I am writing this post for everyone that is or was in a dark place. I hope that by sharing my story, I am able to reach you and give you the help and comfort you need right now.
As a child, I was emotionally and physically abused by my sister. My dad did not believe me while my mom did, which resulted in lots of fights between mom and dad. Although I was far too young, I did everything to keep the peace at home, which left me to lose touch with my own voice. I felt neglected, unsafe, that I had no home, like no one cared and no one saw the pain that I carried with me. No matter what I did, things did not get better nor I was able to escape because I was too young. On top of that, I was stabbed with a knife while I was having drinks with my friends not that long ago. Complex PTSD made me go to a very dark place. I felt alone, invisible, abandoned, dissociated, and lost trust in the outside world. I was on the edge of the abyss back then and was thinking about ending my life.
When I found the courage to call the suicide hotline, I spoke to a young lady. She asked me “Would you want to know if a friend or family member is thinking about suicide?”. I answered “yes of course I do.”, which led her to say “Then promise me you will talk to them, they would want to know too”. That moment saved my life , which I am ever grateful for. Thanks to that young lady, I opened up to my friends and family members, who all helped me to step into the light again. I now realize my view of the world is distorted by the things I experienced, and that I was not alone after all. Last day I cried, because I was relieved that I finally have the help that I so badly needed and I realized I am healing.
To all people that are in that dark place right now: I know it’s painful, I know you may feel alone, betrayed or abandoned. However, please do not step into that abyss. You are here now, you have already survived. The fact that you are here now means that you are gifted with incredible strength. You will get through this and I want you to know that you are not alone. I and many others fighting PTSD understand you. Although it might not feel that way right now, there are perhaps more people that want to understand you than you might realize. As this may be a new experience to you, so it may be for others around you. Help trusted friends and family understand you. It will be a tough decision and some may not be able to help you, but it takes just one to help you see the light again. Seek help and support, there is no shame in doing so and you absolutely deserve it.