20 years ago.

20 years ago I nearly died.

This is the most difficult post I have ever written and it takes me a lot of courage. I thought I would never share this experience publicly.

Tomorrow is my 6 months blog anniversary and I was reflecting on everything that I have learned.

I realized that it is important to share our lived experience to #breakthestigma of suicide.

I can say that my parents did not make a mistake.

They did their best to support me. In high-school and university.

However, in hindsight I asked myself the question: What brought me to this point? Could it have been avoided? And how did I come out stronger and that this experience did not “break” me?

I truly thought that whatever comes after and with death is better than where I was then and there.

It was not a spontaneous thought. It was something that I had on my mind for some time.

I felt that I could not speak with anyone about this. These thoughts. The pain.

Everyone would think I am “crazy” and weak. Guilt. Shame.

It takes all of you to hide this.

Thinking back, do I wish someone would have just sensed something or asked me directly? Yes.

I would have liked to get help and support. It is hard to put into words.

My mother was dealing with her own problems and my father would try to take care of everything, school runs, home work.

I felt I could not burden anyone with this.

Therefore, I strongly believe that if we speak about suicide and suicidal thoughts, we will help people and save lives.

My mental health advocacy has changed my life for the better and I am grateful for every single person who is reading the annaschueth.com blog posts and follows along.

September is #suicideawareness and #suicideprevention month and I am inviting everyone who works for an organization or is a volunteer to share some info in the comments of this post.

Suicide awareness and prevention should not be a competition.

Rather a joint effort.

Let`s break the stigma together.